Busy Season And A Bit Of Heartache

Hello everyone!

I haven't forgotten about you.  Things have gotten pretty busy over here so I haven't been on as much these days.  Doug has been doing alot of overtime at work, I've been trying to make meals for those in need either from church or elsewhere while also catching up on some reading. 

Today Doug cut our Pekingese's hair today.  A little choppy poor thing, but at least she looks a bit more clean.  I also got fed up with her shedding.  This year she's started to shed quite alot more.  I don't know if it's our New York winters or just a different year.  I hope to have a picture of her up soon.

I'll be gone for a few more weeks as Dougs family are coming to town and we're hosting a BIG dinner here.  It will be exciting!

For now I'm trying to keep up with the house. 

If you can all keep my friend Wendy in your prayers I'd appreciate it.  We found out that her 23 year old son was stabbed several times while trying to come to the defense of a young girl.  They're investigating everything.  We took a huge tray to her and I filled up a cart with more food and drink as well as cinnamon rolls for breakfast for the crew.  I just held her as she cried. 

My heart goes out to her.  She has many children in her house that were deemed "unadoptable" either because they were too old, or because of a health issue.  Her and her husband have not only fostered them, but adopted them.  Her son was one of those boys.  While some of them have come through tragic circumstances and may have made some wrong decisions, they seemed to have thrived with my friend and her family.  Her son clarence was a bright and kind young man and it breaks my heart that a tragic act of violence took him so young. 

The gift that God gives us is that our children are HOME.  They are waiting for US and are free.  The sadness of it all is that we are the ones left behind and it takes a whole lot of grace from God to get through the grief and anger.  It's God who picks us up when we cannot stand on our own two feet.

I'll never understand the reasoning behind killing another person to get revenge or even why a person would ruin their lives forever by taking a life and going to prison.  There are questions I have that may never be explained until I get to heaven myself.  ((sigh))

Summer is coming, and sadly crime will go up here in the city.  I can't help in my friends own grief, think of all the other mothers and fathers who will go through this same loss because of disrespect for the gift of life.  My only hope is that God will give the love to these teens and young adults that they may not have had in their own homes.  I pray that God would deliver them from sin and that they would walk eternally with Him forever.

Please pray for my friend Wendy as she goes through the funeral plans and through the long grief process of losing a son. 

May God bless you all!!

A New Camera

I'm very excited because after we broke our camera last spring, we have finally chosen a new one.  I'm looking forward to the pictures we'll be taking and I'll finally be able to post future projects. 

I hope your all doing well.  It's been pretty cold here and Doug has been getting in extra hours due to low staffing at the hospital. 

I looking forward to posting blog entries again.

Lord, Please Don't Forget Me. I'm still here...

This two week wait has proven to be an uphill battle emotionally.  As I wait for His answer, I pray He will not forget me.  That I won't be the only one still sitting here...waiting.

It hasn't been fun being around me.  My heart, mind and spirit are quite weary and I long for the answer to be "yes".  Reality is though, that God doesn't always say "yes".  That's my fear.  As I talk myself into who God isn't...He isn't a God of fear, jelousey, anger, rage, anxiety, bitterness, etc., I find myself trying my hardest to focus on what He IS...a God of Love, Mercy, Grace, Forgiveness, Kindness, Gentleness, Guidance and yes, sometimes miracles.

I've already received one miracle though.  One that while I wait for heaven to see him again, I also DREAM to experience the gift of pregnancy once again. For a more positive and beautiful outcome. A healthy child carried to term.

Two week waits to test are usually pins and needles, but this one is INTENSE.  It is the difference between a dream come true, or closing the door to open a whole new one.  It is HERE where I sit and wait.  I HOPE in the only one that has the power to create a miracle that Dr.'s cannot do.  It is now when I say, "Lord, please don't forget your daughter".

Waiting and Organizing In The Frigid Temps

Oh goodness!  Throughout this path of fertility treatment, I've heard MANY women talk of excessive testing as they wait.  This hasn't really hit me until my present cycle.  We have a TON of tests in the closet and I'm SO tempted to test.  It's too early and I know it.  I'm on eggshells waiting to find out the Lords plan for us.  There's an inkling of anxiety and I see myself wanting to control the outcome if only to test to see where we will be next month.

To calm my heart, mind and spirit, I've been reading scripture that fits the occassion.  I am atimate about staying the course and focusing solely on God.  THIS is my still season right now.  When I find my mind is getting side tracked, I try to redirect myself to do "what's right". Is testing REALLY going to change Gods outcome?  Wouldn't it be better to wait on the LORD'S plan to unravel and not to rush Him?!

God is good and I know He'll reveal His plan in time.  His timing as I've said before is PERFECT.

In the meantime, I've been getting things done around the house.  The temperatures have been in the single digits lately so it's given us ample time to reorganize here.  We bought bookshelves the other day that I had planned to put on each side of the sliding glad doors in the dining room.  They look PERFECT.  I have to change the curtains, but that will come in time.  We have a TON of books and we'll most likely have more coming in the house soon.  We have a book case upstairs and now two more downstairs.  I tilted my dining room table and it looks SO nice! Why didn't I think of that before??

We also got my new sewing machine off layway at Sears.  The desk we put together is complete and is also in the bay window area in the dining area.  It all comes together nicely.  I can't wait to get to my sewing again.  I have a quilting class in February to look forward too.

I'll start putting pictures up again when we get a new camera. Oh how I miss blogging with pictures!

Love to you all!

Resting Period

I seem to be in a "resting period" lately.  It's absolutely AWESOME!  I don't remember a time where I've ever been calmer and I attribute it to peace from the Holy Spirit.

I had an IUI on Tuesday morning.  When the medical staff literally said they thought this cycle was a bust, I prayed to God for a miracle and lo and behold, 3 fully mature follies showed up.  I haven't had three the whole time I've been going through treatment.  It's a testimony to God's mighty power. 

When we went in for the IUI, I found out that the midwife was performing the procedure.  That was a first for me and while I was hesitant, I knew just why I love natural child birthing.  First, let me share that I prayed for "peace which surpasses ALL understanding".  Throughout the whole appointment I was praying scripture and standing on Gods word. 

Upon entering the room, we found out that Doug had a MASSIVE amount of "swimmies" and that they'd be inserting two vials of swimmies instead of just one as usual.  Praise God! I thought.  This has never happened either.

As the midwife performed the IUI procedure I felt nothing but compassion, love and peace.  While it was uncomfortable I did not feel the pain I usually did with the past two procedures I had with the medical staff on the other side of the office.  In fact, I CLEARLY understood the reasons why I like the whole natural approach. 

You see, The last two times were VERY "clinical".  Get em in, get em out.  Everything was done in a hurry and we were left alone.  It's quite understandable why Dr.'s are performing massive amounts of unneeded c-sections in order to work around their own schedules to be home for dinner instead of waiting on the mothers to birth their children.

In fact, go into any Labor and Delivery unit and ask how many of the nurses and staff perform "natural" deliveries and watch them all look at you with confusion on their minds.  Many of your city hospitals just don't. If they DO actual vaginal deliveries, oftentimes you'll find them administering petocin to speed along the process.  They don't tell you that using petocin will actually produce MORE pain during child birth and can even cause attatchment issues once the baby is out and mom wants to nurse.

Okay, okay. So I'm getting off track here.  My point here though is there was a HUGE difference between the IUI I had this time and the two done by the medical staff on the other side of the office.  One was more natural, allowed time for the swimmies to move back and gave such love and compassion for a dream long hoped for and awaited. While the other experience was WAY more "clinical" with less emotion and more rushed.

God knew what I needed and provided that for Doug and I.  Now it's in HIS hands.  Will we actually find ourselves pregnant soon?  Or will we continue to move forward with adoption next month?  Either way we've always wanted to adopt and will approach that direction with excitement.  However, I would love to conceive a child and carry to term with a more positive experience in my head.

If that day comes, Lord willing, I am confident that we will approach our birthing experience the same way we did with Jackson Jeffrey and with the same measure we had this time when the midwife performed the IUI procedure.  With a more natural, loving and GODLY approach than the experience I've had. 

I look at it this way, had I listened to the Dr.'s when we were birthing our son to go ahead and take morphine, we would have never seen our son alive and enjoyed the moments we had with him.  He either would have died right away OR would have been too lethargic from the drugs to function.

Overall, I've seen God EVERYWHERE in my life.  I wouldn't have it any other way.  So to God be the glory.  Either way, we'll have another miracle. For that may God solely have the glory.

A New Journey-Adoption

We're so excited to announce that we're moving forward with adoption plans.  It's been a long hard road trying to conceive since our son passed.  It took us 8 years just for his miraculous conception but it was certainly God who made it all happen.

We have been told that it's time to think about moving on to IVF. Doug and I agreed before we started all this, that our stopping point would be IVF.  We have always wanted to adopt since LONG before we got married and it just makes sense to move straight to adoption.

We have picked a country and now we're working on another blog dedicated to our adoption journey.  If we get pregnant on our own in the future, it will be Gods great blessing, but we are at peace knowing our children have been born in our hearts for quite some time and God knows our hearts desire to adopt our little one as our own forever.

I am working on some fundraising opportunities as we speak and Doug and I are quite excited as we step out in faith to bring home our son or daughter.

I look forward to sharing with you our new blog shortly.  In the meantime, we covet your prayers that God would help us finance the adoption to bring home our little one safely. 

Love to you all,

I Surrender To You Lord, Speak Boldly

As I sit here and wait, I am encouraged.  God is with us.  He knows our desire and I know He'll provide.  Lord, multiply our descendents and widen our territory.  Fill us with the fruits of the spirit and hear our prayer in Your Son's name I pray...Amen!