Tuesday, February 9, 2010

9 Years Ago...

I married my best friend.  Those days, Love was young and had no bounderies.  It was falling inlove with my friend and living happily ever after.

Pastor mentioned in our counseling session in the early days that Money and Selfishness can come between a marriage. At the time, what young kid thinks about that stuff when the strong feeling of LOVE overcomes you?

Today is much different.  I love my husband, but my perspective is MUCH, MUCH different than in the days of running free on emotions and fun, care-free dates.

As you get married, you start to find out that after the honeymoon phase, men think differently than women.  We are wired differently and have a need to feel safe financially, physically and emotionally and of course, most men have that need to provide for their families and the great need to be respected by their wives and children.

Later we run into LIFE.  Which doesn't turn out anything like the fairytale we as girls dream it would be.  What happened to wallowing in full happiness?  How is it that we are just managing to make ends meet?  This was us during my husbands college years.  He was going to college, interning and working full time.  It was THEN we decided that my prayer of being a homemaker would come to fruition before we had even planned.  I dropped my job at the time which made more during his school days, and I went home to provide my husband with homecooked meals, clean clothes, and someone to come home to on days that were stressful and chaotic. (there were lots of those at that time).  BUT we also knew that coming home, meant that we'd have to give up a WHOLE LOT.  We learned to live on his slightly above minimum wage job. I cut coupons, wrote manufacterers, found programs like Angelfoodministries, and cut costs in every imaginable place.

Those moments while some of the best, were FILLED with hills to climb because we gave up MONEY to be a family...or in our case a married couple.  One who were together when the other one was gone most hours in the day.

It was something we hadn't planned until we had children of our own, but in Gods own way, it became apparent that this was the right thing for us to do.

Then later, as we started getting used to things we moved BACK to Central NY where we're getting used to the higher cost of living once again and the taxes for everything under the son.
In the time we've been married, we've gone through financial destitution, to chaos of a HUGE school load, graduation, moving a million times, moving in with family and friends(which I will tell ya almost NEVER works), and most recently the loss of our infant child, our hopes and dreams went with him as did our heart.

As I began to reflect on our marriage...while there are many HAPPY moments, I recall those fairtale stories we see in the movies and thought how sad it is that most relationships and marriages are based on these unrealistic idea of what a marriage should be.

I think to myself, I don't want a marriage filled with a whole lot of happy moments.  I mean sure, who wouldn't want a life without trial? But If I think about it a bit closer I notice that  without those hills and mountains to climb how do you know the strength of your marriage?  How do you become who YOU are and not only find patience and strength, but through those things "lack in nothing" says God, without them? 

It's no surprise that we've had a rough year this past year.  As I fell to tears the other day wondering when things would change, praying for mercy and strength and hoping for someone to give me a guarantee, My husband not only grabbed my hand and prayed with me but shared the following with me:

February 9th 2001, I took your hand and married you. The woman I love.
During the times of financial struggle, I was there for you.
When we weren't sure how we would make it I held your hand.
When your grandmother passed away and you missed talking to her by an hour.  I held you and cryed with you.

When we walked through the parks, enjoyed our dear fosterdaughters as they played outside, when we laugh with the dogs each day or when you go crazy at the fair because there are sheep and goats....I hold your hand, laugh with you and smile.

When we weren't sure how we'd get through living with family and friends for the summer, when we didn't find the home we thought we'd buy, I held you close and reminded you that I love you and that God loves you.
When we found peace on our weekend trip to the Daks, when we found out that God blessed us with a child this summer and when we laughed as we picked our baby clothes and names.  I not only laughed with you, but loved you even more.
Finally, when we found out that you were dialating and we couldn't stop the inevitable, I jumped behind you, encouraged you and helped you bring our son into the world. When he was born, I smiled, As I cut the cord even when I knew he would die, I held our son with you kissed you both and with a tear in my eye, I helped you give our son Jackson's spirit unto the Lord.


No marriage is perfect.  But it is this year that I have been blessed to know that my friend I married so long ago, my husband.  I love him more and more with each new day.

God hand-picked us to be each others helpmeet. Through good times and through dark times. He knew there was no one else who could fit those shoes.  Nobody who could endure what we have endured together not just with our sons death, or the financial woes, moving strains, strains on relations but also with health issues. 

You see, while I strive to be that model wife and now mommy of a son in heaven, I fall short quite frequently.  More and more with age I'm learning it's OK to be different. NOT to fit the model.  I am quite expressive, my husband more analytical. I've never tried to be someone I'm not and looking back over the past 9 years.  Without these trials, without suffering...I'd never know who "I" was meant to be.  More importantly, in a marriage, how do you know how strong your marriage is when you only have the safety of happiness which is only a state of mind.  JOY is an "Attitude" of the heart, where happiness is a temporary emotion.

In conclusion, Today I celebrate my 9 year anniversary with the man I most-heartedly love.  His words of wisdom, his prayers at night, his laughs, his love unconditional, the way he loves Jesus and most importantly the way he forgives me in times I am not the Proverbs 31 Woman that says "her husband and family call themselves blessed".

God knew my heart, He knows my strengths and weaknesses and fit me perfectly with my husband.  I am his helpmeet, his wife.  The roll I play is special and I love it.

As my husband Continues to be the man God made him to be, I too continue to pray for strength, mercy, FAITH,  LOTS of love, to be kind, to listen, respect and honor the man I married 9 years ago.
 "Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies." Proverbs 31

With God as our center, who can come against such strength?!

My husband finished by saying that in life, there are joys and there are trials.  There will be times when a couple argues. There are sad times and there are times when we find that we disappoint ...but what we always find is that NO MATTER WHAT, by the grace and love of God we ALWAYS come back to each other.  We support each other through.

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