Monday, January 10, 2011

In the center of a circle and unsure which way I'm going

Is it possible there could be more change in the air?!  After another appointment for labs and sono's, my nurse called to tell me the estrogen level has gone down.  She let me know that if this cycle doesn't work, we should think about moving on to a Dr. who is more equipped for my body that is slow to stimulate follies to maturity.

It seems as though we're coming to our stopping point pretty fast.  The Dr. she speaks of is the only specialist in the area that is well known. The problem with this is that he's for the numbers which makes his rates look good published and also has an EXTREME focus on IVF.  My husband and I have committed to stop there because we do not want to store fertilized embryos for someone else to take, we don't want to sell them for adoption and we most certainly don't want them to be used for stem cell research.  The money it costs to store and the amount of times IVF is covered just wouldn't be enough to risk for us.

I am very sad because after 8 years, we conceived Jackson without fertility intervention after we were told we'd never be able to.  It happened on it's own by surprise.  At almost 37, I don't have another 8 years to wait.  This is the only measure we can use to try for a natural pregnancy to carry a healthy baby to term.

We've been wanting to adopt for some time and finances have been an issue.  We don't want to go into debt, what kind of an inheritance would that be to give a child we adopt as our own if we hand down debt?! 

I'm in a place right now where I'm not sure what we're going to do.  We have four more IUI's left. Do we go to a Dr. that may not put our best interest first before his quota or love for IVF?  Do we travel back and fourth to a city 2 hours away from us where there are other specialists who have a better repor??  Do we foster to adopt?  In which case we're forgoing infancy which we've never had the pleasure of enjoying and going straight to older children which we don't mind as we fostered teens.  Do we bite the bullet and somehow get our heads in the door at an adoption agency who will charge us 20k?  Even with the tax credit, we would have to put up the money in order to get it back at the end of the year.  So while people say it's cheaper, it isn't at that paticular time.

My heart is weary but I DO know God is with Doug and I.  I'm not sure what his plans are.  I pray we hear Him speak, that He will somehow open the door for us to be parents here on earth.  My heart is heavy but God says His burdens are light.  Father, please show us your will and multiply our descendents.  Help us to provide enough room for them and direct us in how to use our finances wisely in Jesus name.

3 comments:

Treasures Evermore said...

Oh Rebekah. I don't even know where to begin. My heart aches for you. Wish I was there to give you a hug.

Please, please friend know that I will be praying. I do want to say one thing though as a complete supporter of adoption. Do not worry about debt or passing on debt because I believe that God will always provide...and get what you are not storing your treasurers on earth but in heaven. And adoption is storing up your treasures in heaven.

If God is for us, who can be against us? Satan tries to seek, kill and destroy us. He doesn't want children in Godly homes...he doesn't want us to bear children from Godly parents...and therefore we stand against that in the name of Jesus...we stand against all the principalities of darkness that would hinder you and Doug from either having your own or adoption.

There are SOOOOOO many babies who desperately need a home...unwanted and hungry children, pleading for someone to adopt them. I know that God will give you peace....and as I type this, know that Ken and I will do whatever we can to help you with the finances. I don't know what that looks like, but after what I just posted on my blog...you have my word.

I will talk with Ken and we will pray that God shows us what to do. I can't even imagine what you are going through...but I know my passion and heart for orphans and how ever God leads we will move. I know that so many children and babies need families. I'm also going to see about a couple of organization in the US that maybe you could be in touch with. We have tried, but they only do US adoptions...even though these children were from Ethiopia.

Will be praying right now....

Luv and ((hugs)) sent your way.

Connie

Treasures Evermore said...

I think I should have previewed my words...not idea what I said about....and get what you are not story....no Idea what I was trying to say...

Anyway, I think I just mean that you shouldn't worry about debt because God will provide and you are not giving a child debt but A FAMILY...A MOM & DAD...WHICH THEY SO DESPERATELY NEED.

Connie

Grain Milling Moms said...

Keeping you and Doug in my thoughts and prayers

Hugs~
Jill

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