Making A Difference Through The Pain

 This has been such a process. Grieving.  Those of you who've lost a loved one can certainely understand. Watching a child as he or she passes to heaven is just unthinkable.

I'm finding more and more that I'm able to BREATHE again. To know the hope we have through Jesus Christ that Doug and I will see our son again.  We'll reach heaven's gates, run for him, hold him in our arms and walk towards the Lord as we sit at His feet and hear His stories. As we glorify Him and maybe even learn the answers to those questions we have had here on earth.

We have an appointment with the hosptial soon.  We were asked if we'd feel comfortable sharing our experience with the Board Of Directors. Of course I said, YES! This is what I said I wanted to do since the day Jackson Jeffrey took his last breath.  I knew I couldn't do it right away.  But I knew I wanted to do this with hope that other parents would benefit from our great loss and disappointing experiences.

My desire is to take this to other hospitals in the state, maybe research hospitals here that don't have labor and delivery units and aren't even equipped to handle emergency cases and somehow help them as the woman from NJ did for the hospitals in her state.  Maybe we as grieving parents can ban together to make sure these procedures are brought to every hospital nationally. Not through nationalized healthcare...but somehow the hands of those who've been there have seemed to "just do it" and have seen the need and jumped in to change.  Continuing to be angry won't bring our children back.  What we CAN do is honor their memory by making a difference.

As I ask the Lord to help me put to words what we've experienced, I find a sense of healing. Over the last couple of months I've learned to knit and am working on a long term project in memory of our son.

I'm also hoping to move my blog (DONE), somehow get finances together for the graphics I know I want and create a charity site in Jackson Jeffrey's honor to help not just grieving families, but I may take it a step further eventually.  Right now I'm getting my ideas together and hope this will be a long-term project to share our sons memory even in his short life.

You see, even though he spent 25 short minutes with us in our arms, he was still a life.  He still changed our lives forever and Praise God, will share hope and love with those in need even beyond his litte life here on earth.

I am SO proud of my son.

Thank you God for our little guy. Thank you for your unconditional love for us, your peace, your strength and providing even when I doubted you. Thank you for our friends and family, for those who have given of themselves to help us heal and thank you for the hope and future we have in You Lord Jesus. I pray that You would continue to do a good work in us and that we may think of others before ourselves. Especially me Lord. Oh how I fall short sometimes.  But I am so grateful for Jesus. Thank You!