What A Woman Needs To Know

Circle And Bloom is having a giveaway!

  In return of sharing your insights on Women's Health and Wellness on such subjects as PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome), Infertility, or other issues pertaining to women's health the winner will get a 150.00 American Express card.

Here is my topic:

• What I wish I knew-  Prior to a LONG history of Infertility and a preterm loss in 2009, I wish I knew I had to advocate for my own medical care and seek God and HIS answers instead of relying on just the guess-work of only 1 practitioner.
• What I wish I did- In hindsight, I wish as a young twenty-something that I had been encouraged to seek a second opinion on my fertility diagnosis.  Had I gotten a second opinion, took the initiative to be my own advocate by reading and understanding my rights as a patient  I wouldn't have given up trying to have a baby because I was told it couldn't happen only to learn 8 years later that we were indeed pregnant.
• I am grateful I knew- Enough after the loss of our son preterm, to get records and educate myself on the events leading up to our loss.  I diagnosed myself with an incompetent cervix while fighting for a stitch for my second child.  I fought for that stitch until they decided they knew for sure it was in fact IC up until week 19. If I didn't encourage them to monitor me weekly, our beautiful daughter would have passed away at week 22 like our dear boy did.  You know your bodies ladies!  If something seems wrong, educate yourself and fight for the medical care and bedside manner as a consumer. While Dr.'s are well educated, they sometimes lack the knowledge of how we know our own bodies.
• I am grateful I did- fight for the stitch. Had I not, our daughter wouldn't be here today.
• I would want others to know-The symptoms of an Incompetent Cervix and other issues pertaining to preterm losses.  Please see my resources HERE.  To hear our testimony of how this blog came about please check out the Introduction Page.

Finally, please think about coming back to this page soon and helping me with Jackson's Hope Charity Chain.  My hope is to get started on a project soon which will be distributed to a children's hospital for sick children come July. I chose July for a very special reason which will be shared once the project is up and running. Please become my friend won't you?  

Bacteria! Oh how you mock me.

Well, I think the title says it all.  I've had Bacterial Vaginosis (BV) in my first trimester.  Shortly after I ended up with a bad case of c-diff which put me in the hospital on leads for awhile.  Last week I was diagnosed with BV again and just yesterday my nurse called me to tell me that not only do I have BV, but I have an odd bacteria in my urinary tract. So I am now on flagyl and macrobid which are both antibiotics.

I seem to have a severe case of overpopulation of bad bacteria.  Oh, I'm an eater of yogurt. I also take probiotics but my body just can't seem to compensate for the overpopulation of the bad bacteria.  Obviously the meds are needed as both can put me in labor. So it's a matter of weighing whats more important.

NOW, since I'm taking so many antibiotics to get rid of each bacterial infection I am now succeptable to c-diff once again.  ONE issue I NEVER want again because I thought I was literally going to die from 9 hours of vomiting and the trotts all at once.  I was dehydrated, lacked potassium so I needed an IV for that, needed MORE antibiotics through IV, Saline and some other type of hydration to keep my body going when I couldn't eat.  It was a circus! Haha

I also received my weekly 17P Injection to keep me from going into preterm labor.  One injection weekly on the fourth quadrant of the butt cheek and you switch cheeks every other week.  Honestly it's a good thing because it would be downright TORCHER to have the injection in the same butt cheek each week.

Let me explain that 17P is a THICK gel-like substance that takes a pretty thick needle to transfer the medicine into the needle.  We then put a somewhat smaller needle on (but not too small because the gel wouldn't go through).  Doug as an RN knows how to numb the area before injecting so the site won't sting.  For anyone interested it's rubbing the area for 30 seconds with an alcohol pad which numbs the nerve endings and the patient doesn't feel the injection stinging.

NOW, when I heard the injections hurt I got a bit cocky because I don't feel the initial sting as Doug knows how to inject properly.  HOWEVER, what Dr.'s lacked to tell me was that the darn gel can pill in your muscles leaving you with a round rock on your butt cheek a week later.  It hurts!  In fact, the very first injection I was bed ridden because I was in so much pain.  Couple weeks after that I was trying to figure out how to turn over on either side without pain.  I have since learned that if you rub the area around REALLY hard, your less likely to pill. Also, concerning the pain...If you roll PAST the injection site onto your actual hip bone, you'll be able to sleep again. Haha

Today's injection was interesting as when Doug took the needle out, there was a surprising spurt of blood ALL OVER.  That issue hasn't happened before.  It did sting going in this time so that could be an issue too.  all in all though, I got my dose and that's all that matters.

On a more news worthy note, Amelia has started to kick MUCH harder today and more frequent too!  I find myself jumping and my eyes get bigger.  It's really an odd feeling.  Kinda makes me jump for some reason.  She's becoming quite the Karate kicker!

Well, that's all for today.  I pray you all have a lovely weekend!

Another Hill To Climb. Will God Overcome This Obstacle?!

Today's appointment didn't go as well as I had planned.  In fact, it's left me more confused, frustrated and on edge than ever.

I've started blogging again because I wanted to jot down my journey. A journey I had hoped could only get better.  Thing is, there seems to be one hill after another to climb.  Just when we seem to reach the top, yet another hill to climb.

I'm getting tired.  Weak I suppose.  I see God, but I have questions. I have continued prayers for miracles to overshadow what man puts before us.

I'm sure your wondering what this is all about and since I don't have too many people I can share this with, I absolutely NEED to jot this down for sanity-sake.  

Today was the appointment with the fetal cardiologist for the fetal echocardiogram.  I was told it's something that is always done with women who are diabetics.  Thought I'd race right in, and then leave with good news.  INSTEAD, I find myself in a totally different place.  A place of unknown territory, fear and frustration.

We were sat down and the cardiologist asked if we were given the risks of being older parents.  I found the question to be a bit daunting as we weren't getting anywhere really.  Sure I was told the risks.  Last pregnancy they shared them all with me and figured they didn't need to go through it again.  In fact, I opted out of the testing with Jackson and did the same again this time with Amelia.  No matter what, we would keep our children if we are so blessed as to be parents.

After hearing from our own mouths what we were told, the cardiologist told us Amelia was safe from 90% of all MAJOR heart related issues.  We looked at each other and I was for the most part filled with relief.  In my head though I wondered about the other 10%.  

The other 10% he said that he had found a hole between Amelia's two ventricles.   He said he found this in each picture.  He was quoted as saying (and my husband understood as an RN on his cardiac unit) Amelia could possibly have what is called Ventral Septal Defect.  

The reason he went through the schpeal about risk factors of older mothers is because this Ventral Septal Defect is associated with Downs Syndrome Babies.

He asked if the Peri Center mentioned any issues with Downs upon seeing Amelia's sonograms.  Most often you can tell with the size of the hands and feet, I'm sure the head measurements as well.  We told him that all her sonograms came out Excellent.  

He said there is great possibility since Amelia's position wasn't really as good to take the sono pics that her rib may have caused shadows and there may not be a problem at all with Ventral Septal Defect, but in order to find out, He'd need to see us again in 8 weeks when she's bigger.

So here I am, confused.  We just had the cerclage put in last Thursday with hopes to keep her safe and alive to term and now THIS.  

I keep thinking how awful my body is and blaming myself for each issue that comes along with my kids. I'm trying not to let satan win here.  I mean, what does one DO with this information?!

The last thing a mother wants for her child is to struggle in life.  Doug and I know well that Downs children can live a full and happy life.  What scares me though is that we may not be around to guide and protect her when she gets MUCH older.  We're older parents.  Though the fact that I'm in my mid 30's doesn't really seem very old when you see the likes of the Duggars who have had many children and there are no downs babies.  I don't get it!  I just don't get it.  But we're no different from any other parent out there....whether they have a special needs child or not.  

My fear now is how much will she have to struggle IF she has this?  I do NOT want her institutionalized and am glad both Doug and I are equipped to give her as normal a life as we can.  But I can't help think that her struggles will be MY FAULT.  

Aside from jotting this down here, there are only two people in real life locally that I can talk to about this.  One being my Doula who actually HAS a special needs child and the other being a woman from church we've become REALLY good friends with.

The sad part about all this is that on boards that I frequent, I'm a rare case of someone who opted out of the genetic testing.  I purposely didn't get one with Jackson and I didn't get one now with Amelia because no matter what, She's a gift from God and we will love her no matter what.  But how do you share this with a society that would just assune terminate a pregnancy because the baby has possible chromosomal issues?

What's worse is that I'm not even sure how my parents (specifically my mother) will act with Amelia IF she in fact does have Downs.  I see how my mother is when confronted with people who are different.  It breaks my heart and so does the thought that people will feel sorry for us or treat my daughter differently because she may or may not have a disability.

Right now I hurt.  My heart hurts, my head hurts because I can't grasp what's going on.  In the end, I just keep thinking the first and foremost priority is to get her to term.  To be this little girls mother.  

We were told the heart defect, if there is to be one, THIS is the one!  It is very minimal and if she even needs surgery for worst case scenario, she can have the surgery at a year old and be fine.  Downs, well, we know that depending on the type she has, she can lead a perfectly normal and happy life.  Not of course the one we'd prefer...But God knows her place here and her testimony will be a great one.

In the meantime, I grieve for my baby girl.  I just don't know if it's even needed.  I mean...I pray this cardiologist is WRONG.  If he isn't, I pray that she will lead as normal and pain-free a life as she possibly can.  Then I think what can I do to make her life easier?  How can I share Jesus with her?!

Thoughts and decisions no mother ever wants to make.  I pray God gives me wisdom and strength for the road ahead.  If it be His will, let Him share another miracle with us!  To God be the glory...Forever!

Eventful Week!

Yes, I went in to have my cervical length checked last Wed. to find my length went from 3.2cm's down to 2.0.  I was admitted to the hospital that night and prepped for surgery the next day.

Though I was supposed to have a PRIVATE room when I got there, they put me in the same room with another gal who just had the cerclage operation I was to have the next day.  It went from bad to worse when half hour later, they were doing a heartbeat scan only to find the baby was dead.  My roomate started to cry and then of course I started to cry, having lost our son Jackson and KNOWING I'd be going in for the SAME surgery the next day.

The nursing staff knows my history and transferred me out of that room right away into a room by myself.  Poor Doug was in a panic trying to find me because he had gone for dinner only to come back to chaos.

Needless to say I never slept a wink that night.  The next day one of my favorite nurses came in to tell me my roomate had a lot more going on and that my circumstances were different.  She put my mind at ease but I was still anxious until they finally came in to take me to the surgery.  Before taking me, we had to find the fetal heartbeat.  Amelia almost gave mommy a heart-attack when we couldn't find the heartbeat for several minutes.  Turns out she was sick of all the noise every 3 hours and kept moving herself around!

Finally got into the surgical area where I was prepped.  The room was cold, had tons of medical equipment and the medical team was clothed in blue, with hairnets, gloves, shields and instruments.  Not at all a calming atmosphere.  I was put on the table and the anesthetist started the numbing sensation on my back for the "spinal".  It didn't hurt, just felt pressure.  I didn't like it!

They got me on the table, added that dreadful air to my nose for better breathing (which I could have done without) and started prepping for the surgery. The table lifted up and my bottom end started raising REALLY high.  I felt as though I would fall off the table but never did.

I was doing pretty well until the Anesthetist spoke of yesterdays surgery where the patient had a bulging sac.  I heard my Dr. Holler ENOUGH!  My Dr. knew that not only was that my roomate, but I lost Jackson due to the fact I was dialated and my amniotic sac was bulging.

That's when I began to panic.  I hollard that I was going to be sick and they added more anti-nausea through IV.  I slowly started to calm myself down and then the surgery was done.

I made the staff laugh when I told them the numbing sensation felt like I was running naked in the snow!  She must have liked it so much she shared that with my husband in the waiting room.

I was then taken to recovery where I spent two hours trying to get my darn toes to wiggle!  Upon arriving they told me I couldn't leave until I could move.  I told them I was ready to walk out myself.  The nurse laughed and said, "go ahead".   Umm, I seemed to have been paralyzed from the waist down. It was NOT my favorite moment as I'm pretty stubborn and want UP!  I don't want to have to spend anymore time in the hospital than I need to, and in order to leave the next day, I had to prove I could walk, pee on my own and without limited pain.

I did it all by midnight.  Though I was told I could leave that morning, someone forgot to sign the orders and I had to sit there until after noon.  I had Doug run to get my 17P (progesterone injections that stop preterm labor) and he called telling me he was chasing down my package because UPS refused to deliver to our P.O. Box.  This was a drug I NEEDED that day, so as I was released, we drove to UPS station where they had actually LOST the package.  Half hour later and we found it again. Phew!

So, here I sit on bed rest.  Today I'm 20wks and halfway to delivery day. YAY for me!  We're praying that stitch hold our Amelia in for another 20wks safely!

In the meantime I have so many people offering to help.  The church is making meals a couple times a week to lighten Dougs burdens.  Some are offering to clean our house (not much to really clean...just dishes, sweeping, vacuuming, wiping down bathroom and laundry).  My cup runneth over with all the help we are getting.  God is SO good!

This week I have a fetal echocardiogram which is normal for someone with Type II diabetes like me.  I can't wait to hear her little heart beating again.

I have my Doula coming with a backup to meet in case I go into labor when she's not around, and I have a scan this week to check and make sure all is well with the cerclage stitch they put in...then to the perinatologists office.

Something tells me that my life will be filled with appointments and bed rest.  I'll do anything for this little girl of ours! I love her deeply.  Thank You God for a second chance to be a loving parent!

A Precious Little Girl And A Funneling Cervix At 18wks

Came back from our scan and Dr. appointment. Good news is baby is doing well! The head measurements were good, and all the other organs and such were on target. We're scheduled for an echocardiogram for the baby which is a common thing to do with babies of Diabetic mommies but as far as she could tell the baby's heart was doing fine. They just couldn't see all of it because of the way the baby was positioned.

My cervical length went down YET again to 32 with slight funneling this time which ISN'T a good sign. I almost landed in the hospital today to keep an eye on it, but the Dr. said "A normal closed cervical length is a good indicator of a normal positive outcome." Meaning it's at 32 right now and it won't be ABNORMAL until it gets to 25 before they'll actually follow through with a cerclage stitch. Funneling to them doesn't matter because the cervix is still closed (this seems to be typical of IC though)

Funneling is basically the very top of your cervix beginning to open. If you imagine a plastic funnel used to fill a bottle with liquid, the cervix is looking exactly like that - kind of 'Y' shaped. The top of the Y being the part they refer to as "funneling". It isn't catastrophic because the rest of the cervix is still long and closed, but it is a sign of very early cervical changes.

So I'm going in WEEKLY now for internal scans To watch the cervical length.

I DID find out the gender though. This is all so bitter-sweet for me. I want to shout it to the world what we're having and yet...I'm afriad of losing this one now too. It's just a waiting game and while I have more intervention than I had with our son Jackson jeffrey, The Dr.'s in this state take a conservative approach to stitching the cervix because they aren't sure what causes what...if Incompetant cervix causes Preterm Labor or vise versa. They'd rather take the more conservative and less invasive approach.

So on with the gender:


I hope the pic isn't too big as I'm still having issues with photobucket re-sizing.

This image has been resized. Click this bar to view the full image. The original image is sized 800x647 and weights 80KB.

It's a Her name will be Amelia. Will you all keep us in your thoughts and prayers that Amelia will be born healthy at her due date either the last week of Sept. or 1st week of October?! We can use all the prayer we can get.

Resting Period

I seem to be in a "resting period" lately.  It's absolutely AWESOME!  I don't remember a time where I've ever been calmer and I attribute it to peace from the Holy Spirit.

I had an IUI on Tuesday morning.  When the medical staff literally said they thought this cycle was a bust, I prayed to God for a miracle and lo and behold, 3 fully mature follies showed up.  I haven't had three the whole time I've been going through treatment.  It's a testimony to God's mighty power. 

When we went in for the IUI, I found out that the midwife was performing the procedure.  That was a first for me and while I was hesitant, I knew just why I love natural child birthing.  First, let me share that I prayed for "peace which surpasses ALL understanding".  Throughout the whole appointment I was praying scripture and standing on Gods word. 

Upon entering the room, we found out that Doug had a MASSIVE amount of "swimmies" and that they'd be inserting two vials of swimmies instead of just one as usual.  Praise God! I thought.  This has never happened either.

As the midwife performed the IUI procedure I felt nothing but compassion, love and peace.  While it was uncomfortable I did not feel the pain I usually did with the past two procedures I had with the medical staff on the other side of the office.  In fact, I CLEARLY understood the reasons why I like the whole natural approach. 

You see, The last two times were VERY "clinical".  Get em in, get em out.  Everything was done in a hurry and we were left alone.  It's quite understandable why Dr.'s are performing massive amounts of unneeded c-sections in order to work around their own schedules to be home for dinner instead of waiting on the mothers to birth their children.

In fact, go into any Labor and Delivery unit and ask how many of the nurses and staff perform "natural" deliveries and watch them all look at you with confusion on their minds.  Many of your city hospitals just don't. If they DO actual vaginal deliveries, oftentimes you'll find them administering petocin to speed along the process.  They don't tell you that using petocin will actually produce MORE pain during child birth and can even cause attatchment issues once the baby is out and mom wants to nurse.

Okay, okay. So I'm getting off track here.  My point here though is there was a HUGE difference between the IUI I had this time and the two done by the medical staff on the other side of the office.  One was more natural, allowed time for the swimmies to move back and gave such love and compassion for a dream long hoped for and awaited. While the other experience was WAY more "clinical" with less emotion and more rushed.

God knew what I needed and provided that for Doug and I.  Now it's in HIS hands.  Will we actually find ourselves pregnant soon?  Or will we continue to move forward with adoption next month?  Either way we've always wanted to adopt and will approach that direction with excitement.  However, I would love to conceive a child and carry to term with a more positive experience in my head.

If that day comes, Lord willing, I am confident that we will approach our birthing experience the same way we did with Jackson Jeffrey and with the same measure we had this time when the midwife performed the IUI procedure.  With a more natural, loving and GODLY approach than the experience I've had. 

I look at it this way, had I listened to the Dr.'s when we were birthing our son to go ahead and take morphine, we would have never seen our son alive and enjoyed the moments we had with him.  He either would have died right away OR would have been too lethargic from the drugs to function.

Overall, I've seen God EVERYWHERE in my life.  I wouldn't have it any other way.  So to God be the glory.  Either way, we'll have another miracle. For that may God solely have the glory.

A Call From The Hospital On Our Due Date

So today, on what would have been Jackson Jeffrey's due date, I finally got a call from Crouse Hospital.

It seems that there was miscommunication between a couple of people and I  was missed.  I sat for just about an hour chatting with the Director Of Guest Services about things that needed to be changed concerning bureaving parents.  I let her know I wanted to help and would volunteer in any way.

I was floored when she mentioned our experience moved her in such a way that she wanted to make sure no other parent had to go through some of the things we went through. I now have an appointment with not only the Director Of Guest Services, but will be presenting our experience to The director of Chief Quality, The Director of Nursing, The Director of Billing, And a couple more I cannot remember.

I just about fainted!  I didn't think I'd get past customer service...but my story has already begun to bring faces and names to those in positions to make a CHANGE.  This has been my hope since the death of our son. That NO OTHER bereaving parent would have to go through what we have.  To change policies, bring communication and bring some compassion to a tragic event.

Believe it or not, having spoken with other bureaving famlies, our local Syracuse hospitals, while they need work in certain areas, have MUCH more than many smaller hospitals.  I've met a dear family who because the hospital wasn't equipped with neonatal care nor any labor and delivery units or Dr.'s, she and her husband were thrown in a utility closet to deliver preterm.  They had no camera's for pictures of their little baby, no blankets, no little hats, no fetal monitors, no way to tell when her childs heartbeat stopped.

This shouldn't happen in our hospitals here in America!  I know there are funding issues, but even this family took it upon themselves to create boxes filled with paper, ink for the infants feet, a box for the bureaving families as well as information for each hospital.  21 hospitals in her state of New Jersey.

I would like to take this Nationally to be sure no bureaving parent has to go through anymore than they must.  Right now I'm starting slow....and over time I have many ideas to honor our son's memory by helping others.  But never did I expect that we would be meeting with so many Directors in the same room.  To actually be a part of REAL CHANGE so that no other family endures what we have. 

It's a step in the right direction when a hospital cares about the quality of their care enough to meet and work together to create real change for their patients.  Especially the little ones who we advocate for.

I did fine until I hung up.  Tears fell as I whiped them away and prayed that little ol' me and my dear husband could make an impact on someone's life.  I'm really not anybody special.  I just don't want to leave this world having never helped to impact anothers life or bless someone and let them know we care.

What a final blessing of the day to get this phone call. I pray I can represent other families and the children we advocate for and that I come across with grace and intelligence.

The Plot Thickens...

I'm still in shock and there's MUCH more to this than I can reveal...I'm still angry, confused..pretty much a basket-case but PRAISING GOD. I had no idea His plan in all this but the Dr.'s license was revoked.

My heart aches at the hope he gave us as a "Christian" Dr. and the procedure I STILL need done...but God provided protection from a potentially hazardous situation.  I may be deeply DEEPLY upset and betrayed....but God knew what HE was doing and made it clear even though my heart WANTED this.

Praise be to God and I'm just continuing to pray for emotional and spiritual as well as physical renewal.  This has added to such sadness, yet I am grateful to God for loving me even when I didn't understand!

Raw Anger and Disappointment In The Medical Community and A Little Self-Pity

I received news today that has absolutely DEVISTATED me to the point of not knowing who to trust anymore.  I wonder what I've done?  Why can't we seem to get a break somewhere.

Many of you now know that I've found closure with the latest OB who gave us the news that Jackson's death wasn't due to the diabetes or hypothyroid but in fact from a missed mucus plug that was shed.  He put me on BCP's for a month, had me skip the last week and continue with the following months to get the lining thick for the surgery (D&C) I was supposed to have on Tuesday.

Haven't heard from him, I had my husband call this morning for the official time of surgery on Tuesday to get rid of the rest of the placenta only to find He closed up shop.

He NEVER even called me?! So here I am taking BCP's thickening my lining for a surgery I'm not having with placenta pieces in my body that has made me ill.  ALL pertaining from Octobers mess of losing our son Jackson Jeffrey.

I'm FRUSTRATED.  Honestly this is toned down a WHOLE LOT.  I feel abandoned....wonder why with Gods power and strength He just can't give me a bit of room to breathe.

God doesn't give us more than we can handle....Ummmmm I'm not going there.  I'm on my KNEES begging for mercy here and I'm sick and tired of being every Dr.'s guinea pig!  Not only was this closure for health reasons...but it gave that glimmer of hope that maybe, just maybe we could try again. 

We were perfectly FINE to adopt all these years.  It was our plan!  Still is someday when the financial means becomes available.

Then the beautiful miracle of Jackson came and he was taken from us so soon.  I want to adopt....I'd LOVE a mansion full of children at this point but I also want that opportunity to experience pregnancy and a full term birth with a child we can watch grow long into adulthood. 

I want to adopt...yet the cost is either too far out of reach for us or the process dictates how thin I must be, how many other children I can or cannot have in the home or continues to throw abused children back with their parents only to send them back at an age that will make it hard for them to mainstream back into a structured environment.

To say I'm disappointed is an understatement.  I NEED closure from my sons death already.  I need NOT to feel sick everyday...I want to be without nosebleeds at night or dryheaving because I can't catch my breath from missing my son who didn't have to die had anyone listened to me.  Most importantly I think of the children I long to have......The ones through conception and the ones who struggle right now and are waiting to be in my arms through adoption.

I grieve for THEIR mommies and pray for them too. It's not easy to give your child/ren to someone else.  It's an honor to BE a mom and just as much an honor when you get the opportunity to raise a child someone else put THEIR trust for you to raise. I know in some circumstances it's not with their permission and they just couldn't be what their children needed at that time...but I STILL pray for these women.
I'm confused and angry and UGH!

If you learn ONE thing from this situation.  NEVER take for granted the children you DO have.  Go hug your babies .  Remind them you support them and hear them and pray for them and while life isn't always easy, you'll be there for them. 

Know that life is precious and that not everyone has the blessed opportunity to have or hold a child.  Not even adoption or fostercare system is easy.  It's amazing how many people would like an opportunity yet get thrown around as they continue to throw the kids around the system for the almighty buck to help the state and NOT the child.

So my heart hurts and I'm left abandoned yet again. I just wonder where God is in all this?? I know He's here, He just seems so far away.  I feel a wall separating us. One in which I put up due to my own fear, anger, resentment and RAGE.

Response Message to Rachael

Racheal, I left another comment after your last one, but since you don't seem to have a blog here and haven't left a blog URL, I thought I'd post here on my main page too with hopes you'll see this my friend:

Hi Rachael,

Ah, now I know what you speak of.  You were speaking of our bureavement group.  There was one couple who lost their baby as we did.  He was 30 weeks.  10 weeks shy of delivery.  She was at a hotel and gave birth all of a sudden.  Her experience was like mine and while WE had closure (bacterial vaginosis...which now we know is because bacteria got into the cervix due to the mucus plug) the other couple had no closure because there were no answers from the placenta testing.  She asked if we had any answers with hope that THEY too may find them.
The couple your referring to is a whole different couple.  They both carried a gene that caused their child to have several birth defects.  He couldn't live with how severe they were and thus, he passed.  Leaving them sad, frustrated, but now with closure that they should no longer ttc with the genetic disorder.

We don't have that genetic disorder.  as the last couple.....our story is similar to the first couple who just seemed to dialate too early.  Though mine is something due to the mucus plug which in most cases stays in.

Some wise words for you dear friend...With a new pregnancy, you could drive yourself to tears with all the things that "could" happen.  The books that not only show you each trimester, but give you worst case scenareo's, testing for birth defects, etc.

I will tell you with my experience that it's something you shouldn't get too focused on or you will not find JOY in your pregnancy.

I had JOY in my pregnancy. I felt AWESOME in fact.  Better than I had in years.
My situation CAN happen, but it's not all too common.  In most cases, when a mucus plug sheds, if a person is LISTENED to as the nurse said above, you can still keep the baby from bacteria by what's called a cerclage...or tie the cervix and bedrest.

As far as birth defects.  I denied every testing, because we would keep the baby anyways.  When we had a second thought about testing jackson with the "bloodtest only and sonogram" for birth defects, none took.  We decided that was Gods way of confirming exactly how WE felt.  So we didn't pursue.

But please know that you'll scare yourself and take away from the JOY in pregnancy if you look too much into the negatives.  LISTEN to your body and when something doesn't feel right, follow through.

Thats what my message is about.

Much love to you dear friend and may you have a healthy and JOYFUL pregnancy in Jesus name.  AMEN

BV, Genetic Disorder, or something else?! Answer to a question

Another blogger has asked me a question that I thought I'd answer.

In the beginning, after I gave birth to our son Jackson Jeffrey, we were given a couple reasons for the end result.  After testing the placenta however, the final result was "bacterial Vaginosis" which I was told was a FREAK thing and wouldn't happen with every pregnancy. That's given we'd actually get pregnant again, but that's a whole other story.

I don't think I ever said it was a genetic disorder, though I was concerned that Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS) or side affects from it like Type II diabetes and/or the hypothyroid caused our sons death. I blamed myself because of these issues for quite awhile.  The following new results are bitter-sweet.  We've found some answers and are finding some sort of closure.

After going home, researching what we were told and then knowing that our sons apgar score was actually EXCELLENT for his gestation. Things weren't adding up.

SO ((SIGH)), after hearing our concern, a woman I met at a womens outing mentioned her OB who has done in-depth studies and it might be to our advantage to just talk with him.

After SEVERAL hours in his office, looking over hospital records, medical records leading up to his birth, listening to the events that took place, we found quite a few things.  He started talking (the new OB) and one thing after another started making sense vs. what we were told by the origional Dr's.

Here is what took place:
Outing with someone who was impatient and decided several times in a road rage to SLAM on the breaks.  An hour later, I lost my mucus plug.  I suspected it could be that, but there was no blood.  Made an appointment with whom we were told was THE ONLY high risk center in 7 counties for our area (because I've got diabetes, not because it was an issue, but to be monitored).  NEVER saw any of the perinatal Dr.'s.  In fact, only saw the nurse practitioner who instead of LISTENING to me, decided to go by the songrom from the day before the incident where we were told cervix was fine and nothing was wrong.

Even after several appointments, the nurse practitioner STILL ignoring my plea. Had she and the Dr.s actually done their job, they'd have found a shed mucus plug, would have been able to insert an antibacterial type suppository and cerclaged the cervix.

Our new OB has let us know that Bacterial Vaginosis is an excuse to throw out when they cannot explain why bacteria has found its way into the amniotic sac and placenta.  In which case, had they looked and known, the mucus plug is there to keep bacteria out.  When shed, it allows bacteria into the vaginal area which causes inflammation and in the end, caused the amniotic sac to bulge through before Jackson was actually ready. Thus pushing him out before he was ready.

So all this to say it wasn't a genetic disorder.  If it were Diabetes or hypothyroid, we were told by several different OB's, that I would have miscarried in the first trimester and I was in the second.

It WAS bacteria in the vaginal area.  But it was caused by something.  There was no more plug left, which allowed bacteria up to the placenta and amniotic sac where it wasn't corrected. THUS causing the death of our son.

Now I know there will be MANY wondering why we aren't suing.  Fact is, it would cost FAR more than we could afford, is too hard to prove, and honestly isn't what we feel God would want. 
Instead, I'm using this time to grieve and will use this tragedy to make an impact in the lives of OTHER parents so they will NEVER have to go through this again.

Suing won't bring Jackson back, Education and Awareness will at least impact lives and HIS life and legacy will live on FAR beyond those beautiful 25 minutes we had with him. 

I share all this information with hopes to answer questions for those who wonder and to inform women to TRUST their intuition when things don't seem to be adding up and when they feel something is wrong and they aren't being listened to.

Take time to KNOW your body, don't be afraid to FIRE nurses and asking for another one, get rid of your Dr.'s if they aren't listening to you and if like me, your told they are the ONLY ones in the area.....choose LIFE and be willing to travel so you may get better care.  Speak UP to CEO's, speak up to Dr.'s whose office staff are rude and know that THEY work for YOU.  If you aren't being listened to, odds are, you won't get the best personal care and bedside manner.  NOTHING is worth risking your health or in our case, the health of our babys.

So I hope this answers the questions that have been lurking out there for me.  I wouldn't ordinarily be throwing this information out, but this is SERIOUS information that could possibly help someone in the future.  So I open my heart, our experience and our lives so that someone else may find answers BEFORE something like this happens.
Thank You for asking!