Memories Of A Miracle ~Love Letter To Our Baby (who we now know as Jackson Jeffrey)

Our Dearest Baby,

It has only been 9 short weeks since you were conceived.  You are our little miracle that we’ve waited over 8 years for and thought we’d never have.

God has been good to us and while medical staff said you probably wouldn’t happen, God KNEW it would and thus, 8 years later touched my womb and I went from a barren woman to a miraculous pregnancy in a matter of seconds.

Your story is still fresh in my mind and Daddy and I are still in awe of Gods power and strength.  You are a testimony of Gods love for us and His will to provide if only we have faith and trust in HIS plan.  God at this very moment is creating your little body in my womb.  I weep even thinking about it.  Here I thought I may not have this opportunity and then God reminds daddy and I that only HE is in control and it is in HIS timing not our own. 

Later, I pray you’ll learn about Gods creation.  7 Days of creating this earth. You’ll learn of the fall of man and woman, and why this world isn’t perfect, but through Christ can be saved by grace.  Salvation through Jesus Christ is what I hope for you and I give your life over to God this very minute, knowing that He planned this whole miraculous pregnancy and that He knows my hearts desire for you to grow in Christ and not only walk with Him, but LOVE Him enough to serve Him. 

I went to the Dr.’s to find out what was wrong with me. I had lower back cramps, was feeling tired and naucious.  Not expecting THIS outcome, I received a phone call from the Dr. who told me to sit down and let me know I was pregnant.  In the same sentence, she said there was a possibility that you wouldn’t make it because your HCG count was only 14 and it should have been much higher.  After a second blood test, numbers doubled and we found you were right where you needed to be and that your number was low because our pregnancy was so new.  Praise God!  It seems that those low numbers were VERY EARLY numbers.  July 3, 2009 we found out you were only 6weeks and 3 days old through pelvic sonogram.  The OB came in and couldn’t seem to find you through regular sonogram and asked a sonographer to do a pelvic.  She too had a hard time finding our little sweetheart.  Turns out, I had to put my hands under my bum and lift my bum up.  Sure enough, there you were!  I weeped a great deal.  It was the first time daddy and mommy saw you…..They couldn’t hear your heartbeat and I just kept praying to God that He would reveal yet another miracle.  Lord, please reveal our little ones heart beat, Please show us Your presence, I said.   Sure enough, your little heartbeat started to appear. It was LOUD and a whopping 129 heart rate.  AMAZING!  Gods creation of this little miracle inside my womb.  My cup runneth over!

Your life isn’t taken for granted.  It’s special to us and to God.  Our Heavenly Father is such an awesome creator and I can’t imagine life without Him in my life.  I pray you too will find the same. 

I have your first scripture for you as I have thought about the process your going through in my womb right now. I would like to share Gods word with you as He breathes new life into you, your organs and your little body.  You are loved little one.  I love you so much and pray that you continue to grow inside me as we look forward to seeing you and touching you for the first time in February.

May God continue to do a good work in you in Jesus name I pray…AMEN!

Psalm 139:13-14

For You formed my inward parts;
You covered me in my mother’s womb.
 I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
 Marvelous are Your works,
And that my soul knows very well.  NKJV

Memories Of A Miracle ~The Insulin Pump Approval~

www.medtronicdiabetes.com/products/insulinpumps/features/index.html


I'm SO excited!  I was just called today and was told that my insurance company approved the insulin pump that I need in order to keep a TIGHT control over my sugars.  Praise God!  I was told that MANY women don't get approval until their pregnancy is almost over.  Kind of defeats the purpose when you need it to protect your baby.

It's been only 3 weeks and I will receive the pump on Monday where I will wait to hear from the professional on how to use it.  I will be hospitalized for 3 days (because I'm pregnant) and then all will be well throughout the pregnancy and I can rest my mind.

My sugars have been high in the mornings and at nights.  It's pretty stressful.  High sugars can cause birth defects.  I've been trying my hardest to lower my sugars with what I have, but mainly I've been trusting in Jesus to continue to protect the baby and myself.  God is good. He created this little miracle as He has all miracles.  I have no doubt He will continue His good work. The baby is fine and on target for where we are.

DIY Cloth Diaper Sprayer Tutorial

Cloth Diaper Sprayer pic by Gidget Goes Home
This has been THE best find yet!  Several cloth mommies have shared their suggestion of using a diaper sprayer in the toilet instead of cleaning the dirty inserts directly inside the toilet.  In hearing this wealth of information, I started on another search.  I came across another blogger (Gidget Goes Home) who's husband decided to make his own after persistence from his wife.  21.00 at Home Depot and a couple minutes later.....Whola!  A home-made Diaper Sprayer.

Cloth Diapering

 I've been investigating diapers while we're waiting for our little one to grow.  I think I'd like to try All In One ((AIO)) cloth diapers.  I REALLY like Sposoeasy brand which have either snaps or Aplix (velcro) and have natural cotten inserts.  They are pricey, however, I'm wondering if over time it would save us money by purchasing 24 or so and washing them ourselves instead of buying loads of disposables which are just as expensive, if not more over time.  I also like that I wouldn't be adding to the diaper dilemma in landfills. 
The Diapers have gotten AWESOME ratings from women who have used them for their babies. Has anyone tried this brand?  What are your thoughts?

Memories Of A Miracle ~The 8 Wk Sonogram~

This morning is another milestone.  8 weeks. 

our baby at 8wks 3dys
Today we were off site at another part of the medical group so that I could get a sonogram done (the regular high risk OB's in house sonographer broker her arm).  Today I had another pelvic sonogram with heart monitoring.  I could see the baby MUCH better this time, also saw the yolk sack too.  Baby's heart rate was 174 and he or she is doing quite well.   What took me by surprise was the babys cute arms and legs forming along with his or her heart.  Uh, my cup runneth over!

We're giving all the glory to God for this little miracle.  Praise Him for His loving-kindness and protection on our little darling.

Still no REAL sickness, but I notice more and more I'm feeling nauseous just after eating.  I'm enjoying this pregnancy and all it comes with.  I do NOT take for granted what God has blessed me with and thus am praising Him for every part. 

Mom and I went to the outlet mall.  She was so kind.  She bought me one of my first maternity outfits and when I went to buy a gender neutral outfit to celebrate my sonogram, she said, "well if your going to buy one, then I'm going to as well". Haha she's already a doting new grandmother.

Another sonogram will be done in 3 weeks.  Almost around 11 weeks.  I continue to Hope in the Lord, that He will keep our little one safe and help him or her to grow while developing into our precious little one we'll soon meet in February sometime.  God is so good to us!

Memories Of A Miracle Post #4

The past three days, I've been feeling pretty naucious from time to time.  Still no "morning sickness" per sey, but I'm naucious more.

I'm enjoying talking to the baby and rubbing my little belly to comfort both the baby and me.
Friday is our 8 week sonogram and I pray we'll find a continually growing baby who's organs are forming with Gods great touch.  I continue to pray that our little one will be safe in my womb for 8 more months.  God created this little miracle, I know He will continue to do His good work in our little one.

We have another meeting with the banker tomorrow to get preapproved for our home.  While in the City, I will have blood testing done so that it will get to the OB's by Friday.  Praise be to God.

We are grateful for your prayers and covet them as we look to Him for Victory and praise Him for this little miracle and all the blessings we have.  God is SO good.  I love Him so much.

Memories Of A Miracle ~The Baby Items & Being Plus Size Pregnant~

The past few days I've been catching up on sleep.  I haven't been sleeping through the night lately because I've had to pee a million times.  Praise God!   I'd rather go through this than anything else right now.  I'm just grateful to God that He's allowed me to partake in such a beautiful birth experience.

In the meantime, I'm exhausted mid-afternoon. So I take that opportunity to listen to my body and just nap as I need to.  I've been trying to eat well and working on continuing exercise as I have before.  Not strenuous by any means. Just walking the dogs in the afternoon so I can have some exercise.  I forgot to mention that at my last OB appointment, I actually LOST 6 more lbs.  I'm flabbergasted by it all, but maybe in the midst of this pregnancy, I'll lose a bit and won't gain much baby weight.  I am a plus size to those who don't know me.  This year, I've lost the most weight just before my pregnany.  Another praise report thanks to God.  I know I'll gain some weight for the baby which I don't mind at all, but maybe I won't gain as much as others because I already have it to begin with??  Only time will tell for sure I suppose.

Oh, while I'm on the subject.  Plus Size Maternity.  There are very FEW places that sell maternity clothing around here....Target, walmart has REALLY limited and ugly supplies, Pea in the Pod seems to sell to the teeny boppers as does Sears.  I've found some nice clothes at Motherhood which tends to be pricey and JCPenny's is OK, but caters to the teeny boppers as well.  Where in the world can I find some cutsie maternity clothes for Me?!

It's almost affensive that stores cater to thinner, younger mommies.  I mean, I've even seen tank tops with the belly showing and Holy Cats!  Shorts that BARELY cover the bum.  Do people actually wear these things when they're pregnant?  I know the beauty of pregnancy...but whatever happened to modesty?  And how about giving us larger women a break and allow us to dress like we are beautiful pregnant mommies and not like slobs that can't wear anything other than stretchy regular pants and HUGE t-shirts.  Common designers, this is really something women of ALL sizes need to have.  Don't shut us out.  Allow us to enjoy our own beauty!

k, enough whining. Haha  We are double dating with our dear friends whose anniversary is at the end of the month.  We're treating them to dinner and a movie.  While there, I hope to check out the bigger stores to see if I can find some nice maternity clothes to wear.  I'd also like to go to babies R Us and test out some strollers.  I've been given the advice that testing BEFORE buying is something that should be done because Strollers can very in weight and may vary in room for bags, cuppies, etc.

I'm finding it fun while we wait, to check out all the baby sites to see what the good items are to get.
We already have a crib and a baby armoir that we were planning to use for Foster to Adopt program.  God provides all our needs.  Hallelujah!


We also have the baby bedding, though I have no pics to show right now.  They are in storage.

 I'm just keeping myself occupied as we wait for our next OB appointment and 8 week sonogram Next Friday. 

Please continue to keep us all in your prayers.  That our baby continues to grow, his or her organs continue to develop and that he or she will be safe in my womb for 8 more months.  We covet your prayers and are grateful for them. We are even more grateful to God for His lovingkindness and protection on us.  His hands created this little one and we are forever in praise for this Heavenly Father of ours.  He is Mighty and Powerful.  Praise Be to God!

Memories Of A Miracle ~The Due Date~

Dear Friends,
Today was another mile-stone for us.  We had our first OB appointment with the High Risk specialist.  The appointment was 3 hours long and quite eventful. 

We started out at the desk where we filled out the usual paperwork and back I went to run to the bathroom stop.  I went into a room on my own as the nurse (Karen) asked for information.  I am 35 now, and not considered a spring chicken anymore, so they asked right away for genetic testing and an Amnio.  I denied the tests and signed papers denying each genetic test.  While I'm sure they have their reasons for them, I find no cause for us to have them.  If God created this little Miracle and has since continued to care for him or her, I am faithfully trusting HE will know best and there is no reason to cause fear and discontentment.  God doesn't create trash and thus, our baby is wanted no matter the outcome.  While we pray our baby is healthy and happy, we also accept it's diversity if he or she has a genetic predisposition.  I find no good in this testing for me and actually put more trust that God knows what He is doing with the miracle He has created as our Great Physician.  Praise Be To God for such a miraculous creation!

My husband was brought in the room shortly after, where we discussed insulin questions and agreed to focus on getting the "pump" for insulin regulation.  We want to keep this baby safe and having regular "good" readings  through pump regulation will help lessen a WHOLE lot of stress.  So I'm doing the paperwork as we speak, will call the company on Monday who will get the ball rolling with our insurance company ((please pray Pomco doesn't give us any problems. The sooner I get on the insulin pump, the better and healthier it is for me AND the baby)).  If all goes well, in a month or two, I will be hospitalized for 2-3 days to place the cathetor and pump inlay.  I'm hospitalized because I'm pregnant and they MUST watch the baby.
After our questions were answered, I asked if they would give me a sonogram to date the baby and make sure our baby was doing well.  We got into the room, and the Dr. couldn't see anything or hear anything.  My heart skipped a beat...but I just kept praying that God would again provide a miracle to see the baby and hear his or her heartbeat so early.
He got up and asked to have a pelvic sonogram done to get a closer look.  While we waited, I had the basic checkup done, breast exam, paps, heart rate, etc.  Then was led to the room with the sono technician.
She too had a hard time seeing the baby and then had me put both hands under my back and lift my bum up.  Sure enough...there was our wee little one with a heart.  The heart monitor was flat and I began to pray again to ask God to help us hear the babys heartbeat.  Please God....Let us hear the babys heartbeat.  Bless us dear Father with Your presence.  Give us confirmation though many have said it's too early.  Sure enough......We heard the heart beating.  Praise God!  129 was the heart rate.  Not only was there a heartbeat, but a GOOD heart rate.  We prayed and God answered.
Shortly after, we found out we are 6w3d and are due February 23, though the Dr. is confident it will be earlier.  Would you believe our Wedding anniversary is February 9th?  What a blessed month in February....when most find winter to be a time of death and spring to be a rebirth, I have found nothing but LIFE in the winter.  God has been VERY good to us and my life is an absolute testimony to His grace, love, protection and mercy.  I do not deserve anything I have, yet I am blessed by His gifts and am content where we ARE.
Again, Praise Be To God.  My Cup Runneth Over!

Memories Of A Miracle ~The Anxious Awaits~

God is good and I know He created this miracle.  Seeing other women who have PCOS as I do and hearing their excitement tailed with skepticism is making me slightly anxious though.  I have had to take several steps back from mothering sites with women who deal with PCOS as I do.  I just find it hard to keep faith in Gods plan and not look to the "what if's". 

I'm early and sometimes I have wondered why I'm not feeling this way or that way.  But in the end, I know God is creating and developing this little miracle and I cannot RUSH Him, nor should I question or control His outcome.  I have gathered over the years that HE knows best and loves me SO much.  This waiting stuff has me out of my comfort zone.  I cannot control my surroundings, nor any outcome.  Isn't it just like God to say, "hey!  I created YOU, I know what I'm doing and you need to get your hands out of the control box and let ME do what I DO". 

I can hear His gentle voice reassuring me that all is well and think of how much I REALLY love my Heavenly Father.

At a time when everything is up in the air, HE is the only thing that is the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow.  I can ALWAYS count on Him and HE gives me peace in my spirit.
Even as I type this, I see my Title and think, what have I got to be anxious for?  God says,

"Be anxious for nothing, but in EVERYTHING by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; -Philippians 4:6

Thanks for listening as I share my heart with you today.  I look forward to tomorrow with hopes that we will see our little one in the ultrasound and hear his or her heartbeat for the first time.  Oh Lord, Hear my prayer.....please grant me this desire to hear my babys heartbeat and for us both to see that he or she is doing well under YOUR great hands as The Great Physician.  Thank you for this gift Lord and thank you for the greatest gift of Salvation.  I pray our child/ren will grow up seeking YOU and be Godly young men and women.  To YOU be the Glory Father.  Praise be to God.  Amen!