Friday, January 15, 2010

A Glimpse Of Healing

Today, to spite the fact that I was on edge all morning and scuffing my feet around, I found our first counseling appointment to be quite healing.

There is obviously some issues both of us have to deal with concerning our sons death. I, obviousely am the more vocal one dealing with pretty bad anger, rage and trust issues. I trust absolutely NOBODY. I love my husband, but the past years events have only made my trust issues even harder to deal with in our marriage. Don't get me wrong. I LOVE my husband. It's not a matter of divorce or anything. Just a matter of communication issues pertaining to the events in our lives. I, have to learn how to communicate and listen to my husband and HE needs to learn to communicate and not dodge confrontation with just about everyone. He's just a peaceful guy. He wants everything to be better, he doesn't like confrontation or chaos. But then, who does really?

I felt bad for the poor counselor as I shed the anger today. Anger with my inlaws, the hospital, my own parents, myself. shoot. I'm just MAD!

After all was said and done though, I left with a HUGE block off my shoulder. I felt like I could sleep for days. I'm whiped out!

Because of the issues we've been facing, he said he'd like to see us again next week, after my surgery. He'll also be seeing us between our anniversary/sons due date.

We were going to go FAR, far away for an anniversary. I'd like FIJI. Haha, but we can't afford it and I'd really like to be near our two little dogs too. just being together means alot to me right now. SO, we're making a SPA appointment. Spare no expense I say! I'm getting the works. My husband, who loathes anything "metrosexual" for a burly guy is doing this for me. It's a couples spa day. I must say, while he's opting OUT of the Parafin treatment and teh darn foot massage, he WILL accept the back massage. I say, "do as you please, I'll be getting the works...pass the champagne please! Oh, and the berries too".

So today, while emotionally taxing. I think this counseling is going to help us both. As much as I need "anger management" he needs to know how to speak up to certain people without feeling intimidated. Which I don't seem to have a problem with. My issue? Let me deck them all for the pain they've caused. Give me a snowball and let me wrip em! Hand me my dishes and let me hear them break in the driveway. Anything that will help in the healing.

I hear amount of violence will help or bring back my son. Haha I need racket ball or some sort of dodgeball to take my frustrations out. Haha
Praying for the new year to bring a newfound healing

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